There are many ways to parent but there are some good "rules" to keep in mind. These are mine, they are based on the principal that children need routines, and firm boundaries as well as lots of love. You may have rules of your own, but I have no issue if you choose to adopt or adapt mine.
1) You are a Parent, not your child's friend. If you are lucky you may become a friend when your child is older. Throughout their lives our children will have many friends but only one Mum and only one Dad. Accept that responsibility, act accordingly and your child will grow up secure and confident.
2) Release your inner child. Children learn through play. This is an opportunity to be playful without being considered an idiot. Join in when you are asked to, initiate sometimes. Accept the opportunities to join in and the occasions when your participation is unwanted. Childhood is fleeting miss this moment and it is gone forever.
3) Offer simple choices and allow your child to make bad decisions. All choices have consequences. Some are delivered without you needing to be the bad guy. Choosing to not wear a coat when the weather is cold will soon be accepted as a poor decision, but if there was never any opportunity to make a mistake, or a poor decision, how would your child recognise it as such?
4) Avoid negotiation. YOU are responsible for the big decisions, you are the adult and should be able to see the bigger picture here. If you accept this responsibility you will be seen as the leader, the person who will offer rescue if it is needed, the person who can be relied upon to resolve problems.
5) Be fair. Offering solutions without being dogmatic is helpful and supportive. Dictating the outcome is unnecessary. Some children find particular choices difficult. Approaching these issues by asking what the child thinks someone else might do and how that might work, or not work can clarify things and make the choice easier.
6) KIS Keep It Simple. Choices, and their consequences need to be appropriate to the age and stage of the child. Only offer a choice of two things, both options must be fine by you or you will become angry and frustrated when your child chooses an option you least like.
7) Have some "house rules". These should be few, because the idea is to avoid unnecessary battles. If it is simple and clear it is easier to understand and to live with. Children need boundaries and these need to be maintained, for their safety, security, and confidence in their place in the world.
8) Be consistent. If you have "house rules" you need to stick by them. Don't let some things be ok some times. This is confusing and will lead to tears and tantrums, not just your child's!
Becoming a parent helps us to understand our own parents better. It is a wonderful experience but it includes all that's good and bad within it.
Sunday, 30 June 2013
Sunday, 28 April 2013
The Faddy Eater
As children grow and become more independent they can change from being a happy contended baby, to becoming quite fussy about what they will and will not eat.
As parents, we see feeding and nurturing our children as basic parenting, so when a child becomes difficult to feed, or fussy about their diet, it often makes parents feel that they are failing in their duty of care and raises concerns about weight loss.
Children become “fussy” about eating for a rich variety of reasons;-
The most common medical reasons for refusing food are Constipation and Anaemia.
Fear of new foods is common in the second year of life. This may be a survival mechanism to prevent increasingly mobile toddlers from poisoning themselves by eating everything and anything.
Toddlers have very little control in their lives but the one thing they can control is what goes into their mouths.
As with adults, a toddlers appetite alters through the day and through the week. It is important to keep portions small enough to be manageable. At one year a toddler should be offered 3 small meals and 3 snacks plus milk.
As they grow the snacks are reduced to 2 plus milky drinks.
A toddlers plate should be something like;- 1 tablespoon of meat/chicken/fish, 1 tablespoon of potato/pasta and one of vegetables. Only two tablespoons of a desert such as custard, is quite enough as part of a complete and varied diet.
At around 18 months the fussy toddler tends to become more fussy. Often there is nothing medically wrong and the child may also be “texture defensive” preferring only one texture or colour of food.
They may also be sensitive to touch, sounds and smells. Sometimes they grow out of this by the time they are 5 years old, and sometimes they need help.
Most children will not starve themselves. They will decide what they are prepared to eat and the diet they choose may be very boring. Given time they will extend their repertoire.
What can we do to support a fussy eater?
The first step is to try to understand what has caused this. Sometimes there may be no discernable reason.
Avoid
Occasionally there is a medical or a physical problem. For further help, if the food refusal is of long duration, see a Consultant Paediatrician, a Paediatric Dietician and a Speech and Language Therapist. The Speech and Language therapist will conduct a “Swallowing Assessment” which will look at oral motor function.
As parents, we see feeding and nurturing our children as basic parenting, so when a child becomes difficult to feed, or fussy about their diet, it often makes parents feel that they are failing in their duty of care and raises concerns about weight loss.
Children become “fussy” about eating for a rich variety of reasons;-
- If food has not been a comfort to them as infants, if it has been associated with pain or discomfort, then they are not particularly keen to eat.
- As they become more mobile, the world is more interesting than the boring idea of stopping an activity to eat.
- Feeling rushed at mealtimes, being constipated, feeling tired or unwell can reduce a child’s appetite.
- Being shouted at discourages eating.
- Being pressured to eat more when they have had enough, or being offered foods continually throughout the day can also reduce interest in food and feeding.
The most common medical reasons for refusing food are Constipation and Anaemia.
Fear of new foods is common in the second year of life. This may be a survival mechanism to prevent increasingly mobile toddlers from poisoning themselves by eating everything and anything.
Toddlers have very little control in their lives but the one thing they can control is what goes into their mouths.
As with adults, a toddlers appetite alters through the day and through the week. It is important to keep portions small enough to be manageable. At one year a toddler should be offered 3 small meals and 3 snacks plus milk.
As they grow the snacks are reduced to 2 plus milky drinks.
A toddlers plate should be something like;- 1 tablespoon of meat/chicken/fish, 1 tablespoon of potato/pasta and one of vegetables. Only two tablespoons of a desert such as custard, is quite enough as part of a complete and varied diet.
At around 18 months the fussy toddler tends to become more fussy. Often there is nothing medically wrong and the child may also be “texture defensive” preferring only one texture or colour of food.
They may also be sensitive to touch, sounds and smells. Sometimes they grow out of this by the time they are 5 years old, and sometimes they need help.
Most children will not starve themselves. They will decide what they are prepared to eat and the diet they choose may be very boring. Given time they will extend their repertoire.
What can we do to support a fussy eater?
The first step is to try to understand what has caused this. Sometimes there may be no discernable reason.
- If this is behavioural, and about exerting control then setting times for feeding opportunities and making these short can help. Allowing 20/30 minutes for food to be eaten or it is removed without comment.
- If this is about smell or taste, work with the child to find out what smells good/bad and use this as s cue to preparing food.
- Involve the child in preparing the food. Making a sandwich, choosing the utensils to eat with.
- Consider finger foods and allowing a texture defensive child to play with different textures with their hands. It’s a short step from there to licking fingers and tasting things.
- If you are going to offer choices then only offer a choice of two things, both of which are acceptable to you as a parent.
- Consider having friends of a similar age round, offer snacks and see how your child reacts. Some children eat better in the company of other children.
Avoid
- Following the child round trying to get them to eat.
- Insist that the toddler eat everything on the plate.
- Take away food that was refused and offer something else.
- Large drinks before a meal.
- Offer a snack soon after a meal which was not completely eaten.
- Assume that because one food was refused it will never again be eaten.
Occasionally there is a medical or a physical problem. For further help, if the food refusal is of long duration, see a Consultant Paediatrician, a Paediatric Dietician and a Speech and Language Therapist. The Speech and Language therapist will conduct a “Swallowing Assessment” which will look at oral motor function.
Saturday, 27 April 2013
Starting at Day Care
All children have to learn to cope with
temporary separations from their parents. Learning to be apart can be
difficult for both parent and child, however parents need time to
themselves occasionally, and children benefit from spending time with
other people and other children.
Shyness around new people, and anxiety about separation from parents, is common in children of pre school age. Between eight months and eighteen months, children develop strong attachments to known and trusted adults. At this stage your child is exploring their environment and you will see that they will crawl/walk away from you to do so. All the time they are looking back, checking that you are where your child left you. If you leave the room, or move out of sight without the child being aware of that movement, suddenly their world has ended and there is great upset.
At this stage they are watching other children, both older and younger but not directly interacting with them. Copying another child's play is a learning experience too. This is the stage before co-operative play. Many parents talk about children needing to be "socialized" but, at this stage, observing the world is more interesting than actively participating in it. Adults are a favorite "toy" and although the child is starting to learn about turn taking there is more learning done by watching and copying. Certainly as the child becomes older, and is more interested in social interaction, between 2.5 to 3 years of age, attending a nursery or play group is invaluable in developing social skills.
It is not possible to explain to a very young child, that they are going to attend day care. Gently introducing them to this concept is the best that can be achieved. If you have chosen a day care center or a person whom you trust to care for your child, ensure that you know the expected routine of the center's day, or explain to the carer what the child's routine usually is. If a baby can learn a new routine before being left in a day care center it will be a less distressing experience. Limiting the time they spend there and gradually moving the length of time in a new environment will also be helpful.
Most day care centers have routines and set nap times for little ones, they will not alter the routines of the establishment for even a child as important as yours! If you need to help your child to move to the centers schedule then this is entirely possible. It is equally possible that a child who won't nap well at home may nap better in day care.
Older children will usually accept simple explanations of what is to happen. Do make a point of saying "goodbye", and reminding your child when you will return for them. When you return ask about their day and be a good listener. It will take some practice before you will be told very much about what has happened without you. Your child also wants to be sure that they didn't miss any exciting events while you were apart.
You have chosen a day care which fits your belief systems, so have a little faith in them. Expect them to tell you about any difficulties they are experiencing with your child, or any issues your child seems to have difficulties with. Without this sharing of information it can be difficult to make this a positive experience for your child.
info@Dream-Angus.com
Sleep Challenges
Dreaming can become a challenge to children because the dreams children have can be very vivid to the point where they are indistinguishable from real life.
Between 2 to 6 years of age children start to become aware of dreaming. These dreams can be very vivid and alarming. This is also the stage when night terrors, nightmares and night fears are most common. Dreaming is a normal part of development but if your child has frequent sleep disturbance as part of this stage of development, then it can be very difficult for the family as a whole to cope. On average, a quarter of all children may have one nightmare a week.
Nightmares are frightening dreams which occur during REM sleep that usually result in night waking. These nightmares may include monsters and other frightening imaginary creatures. The child may be afraid to return to sleep, young children may have difficulty in distinguishing between a dream and reality and may insist that the imagined monster still exists nearby. If these scary events persist then the child may resist going to bed and may also become fearful in the daytime. These events are often remembered in the daytime and, for some children, the opportunity to discuss them can be helpful. However, if your child does not want to, or cannot talk about this don't press.
There are a variety of strategies available to help children and parents cope with these events.
Night terrors are also frightening but usually forgotten by morning. A child experiencing night terrors will not be comforted. They appear to wake suddenly and are fearful but, although their eyes are open, they are often still asleep. Trying to comfort them at this stage is more about feeling that you are caring and doing something, the child is unaware of you and doesn't accept cuddles or reassurances. The return to calm sleep is usually quite quick. A child who has not napped well, is over tired, or has had a frightening experience during the day is more likely to have night terrors as their mind tries to rationalize the fright.
If you need help to help your child cope with these events;- Contact us, info@Dream-Angus.com
Between 2 to 6 years of age children start to become aware of dreaming. These dreams can be very vivid and alarming. This is also the stage when night terrors, nightmares and night fears are most common. Dreaming is a normal part of development but if your child has frequent sleep disturbance as part of this stage of development, then it can be very difficult for the family as a whole to cope. On average, a quarter of all children may have one nightmare a week.
Nightmares are frightening dreams which occur during REM sleep that usually result in night waking. These nightmares may include monsters and other frightening imaginary creatures. The child may be afraid to return to sleep, young children may have difficulty in distinguishing between a dream and reality and may insist that the imagined monster still exists nearby. If these scary events persist then the child may resist going to bed and may also become fearful in the daytime. These events are often remembered in the daytime and, for some children, the opportunity to discuss them can be helpful. However, if your child does not want to, or cannot talk about this don't press.
There are a variety of strategies available to help children and parents cope with these events.
Night terrors are also frightening but usually forgotten by morning. A child experiencing night terrors will not be comforted. They appear to wake suddenly and are fearful but, although their eyes are open, they are often still asleep. Trying to comfort them at this stage is more about feeling that you are caring and doing something, the child is unaware of you and doesn't accept cuddles or reassurances. The return to calm sleep is usually quite quick. A child who has not napped well, is over tired, or has had a frightening experience during the day is more likely to have night terrors as their mind tries to rationalize the fright.
If you need help to help your child cope with these events;- Contact us, info@Dream-Angus.com
Daytime Sleep or, Napping.
I am often told by parents that their baby does not sleep at all in the daytime. When I ask more questions it usually transpires that the infant does nap, but only under certain circumstances and only for very short periods.
This is can happen for one or more of these reasons;-
1) The parent does not recognise their child's "sleepy signals", so the infant is not given an opportunity to sleep.
2) When the signals are noted it takes too long to get baby settled so the infant goes from tired to second wind, or even to a state of hyper alertness, when there is no way this child will sleep.
3) Over stimulation results in a fretful baby who cannot settle.
4) The need to be held/rocked/patted/stroked or pushed in a stroller in order to achieve sleep.
What are "sleepy signals"?
Babies need sleep when they persistently yawn, rub their faces or pull their ears, close their eyes, or simply start to fuss. When you notice one or more of these sleepy signals you have a small window of opportunity to get your child to nap successfully.
If your child does not settle within 15 to 20 minutes, and they start to wake fully, abandon this nap time and look for the next time these sleepy signs appear.
The other way to deal with this is to observe how long your child is "happily awake". As a newborn the "happily awake" period is usually long enough to be fed and changed, have a cuddle and then they are done. At 3-4 months a child may be happily awake and interacting for anywhere between an hour and an hour and three quarters. At the end of this period they need to rest and sleep. Knowing this can help you to develop a good routine.
What overstimulates a child?
All children need interaction with people. Plonking an infant on front of a television is not positive interaction. The television is fast changing and the short links are too fast for baby to follow. The changing light patterns which seem to attract them, are too speedy to follow, and tend to over excite the eyes and brain.
Lots of interaction with parents and adults, where the child is expected to take in a lot of handling and exchange can also be just too much. One to one is best to begin with. Any sounds which have big variations in volume and pitch can also be just too much, particularly if they continue for a long time.
Your child's favourite toy is a parent. Someone who will offer soothing conversations both verbal and non verbal. Until the infant can get their eyes to work together, (usually at about 2/3 months), it is difficult to focus for long periods. Strong contrasts are appealing because they are easier to see. Black on white, red on white for example.
Until the age of 2 or 3 years, every child needs some daytime sleep. The amount of sleep in the daytime depends on the age and stage of the child. Even a 4 year old who has had a busy day may opt to have a down time during which they will fall asleep for a short period.
To feel refreshed after a short sleep, it is usually necessary to have two complete sleep cycles. Infants will take a minimum of 45 minutes to an hour to achieve this, as they get older an hour and a half is a good nap, a two hour sleep is even better but a 15 to 20 minute sleep is too short to be useful.
There are a probably as many ways to achieve a good nap as there are babies. Each infant has one or more things which will help them to sleep. Once these have been identified they become useful tools in encouraging your little one to settle.
If you would like help to achieve good naps, Contact us ;-info@Dream-Angus.com
This is can happen for one or more of these reasons;-
1) The parent does not recognise their child's "sleepy signals", so the infant is not given an opportunity to sleep.
2) When the signals are noted it takes too long to get baby settled so the infant goes from tired to second wind, or even to a state of hyper alertness, when there is no way this child will sleep.
3) Over stimulation results in a fretful baby who cannot settle.
4) The need to be held/rocked/patted/stroked or pushed in a stroller in order to achieve sleep.
What are "sleepy signals"?
Babies need sleep when they persistently yawn, rub their faces or pull their ears, close their eyes, or simply start to fuss. When you notice one or more of these sleepy signals you have a small window of opportunity to get your child to nap successfully.
If your child does not settle within 15 to 20 minutes, and they start to wake fully, abandon this nap time and look for the next time these sleepy signs appear.
The other way to deal with this is to observe how long your child is "happily awake". As a newborn the "happily awake" period is usually long enough to be fed and changed, have a cuddle and then they are done. At 3-4 months a child may be happily awake and interacting for anywhere between an hour and an hour and three quarters. At the end of this period they need to rest and sleep. Knowing this can help you to develop a good routine.
What overstimulates a child?
All children need interaction with people. Plonking an infant on front of a television is not positive interaction. The television is fast changing and the short links are too fast for baby to follow. The changing light patterns which seem to attract them, are too speedy to follow, and tend to over excite the eyes and brain.
Lots of interaction with parents and adults, where the child is expected to take in a lot of handling and exchange can also be just too much. One to one is best to begin with. Any sounds which have big variations in volume and pitch can also be just too much, particularly if they continue for a long time.
Your child's favourite toy is a parent. Someone who will offer soothing conversations both verbal and non verbal. Until the infant can get their eyes to work together, (usually at about 2/3 months), it is difficult to focus for long periods. Strong contrasts are appealing because they are easier to see. Black on white, red on white for example.
Until the age of 2 or 3 years, every child needs some daytime sleep. The amount of sleep in the daytime depends on the age and stage of the child. Even a 4 year old who has had a busy day may opt to have a down time during which they will fall asleep for a short period.
To feel refreshed after a short sleep, it is usually necessary to have two complete sleep cycles. Infants will take a minimum of 45 minutes to an hour to achieve this, as they get older an hour and a half is a good nap, a two hour sleep is even better but a 15 to 20 minute sleep is too short to be useful.
There are a probably as many ways to achieve a good nap as there are babies. Each infant has one or more things which will help them to sleep. Once these have been identified they become useful tools in encouraging your little one to settle.
If you would like help to achieve good naps, Contact us ;-info@Dream-Angus.com
Sunday, 6 January 2013
What should we expect of a newborn sleep pattern?
Expectations of newborn babies sleep patterns are often very high. For some reason as a society we seem to expect babies to spend a lot of time lying still and quiet, sleeping. While many babies will spend 16 to 18 hours of a 24 hour day asleep this is not true of every infant.
Your baby's sleep is affected by four main things;-
1) What was your, and your partner's sleep pattern BC (Before Children)?
2) The learned experiences your baby has around sleep.
3) Baby's own body clock.
4) The sleep environment.
We know that some sleep difficulties have a genetic component. Narcolepsy is perhaps the difficulty most commonly linked to genetic make up. If you, and your partner had a similar sleep pattern the chances are that baby will follow that pattern to some extent. If one of the parents has had difficulties getting to sleep it is possible that baby may demonstrate this. This does not mean that this cannot be improved upon. Perhaps if all children developed good sleep patterns there would be fewer adults with sleep difficulties.
Newborns have very little experience of life in the world. Consequently it takes them a few weeks to learn the differences between night and day. We know from studies, that by 60 days of life, before there is even a true feeding pattern, babies have mastered the basics of night and day.
Initially an infant which requires feeding every 2.5 to 3 hours will manage a maximum of 5 hours uninterrupted sleep through the night. This is not true of every child but is an accepted "rule of thumb". As baby manages to go to a 4 hourly feeding regimen this night sleep extends to about 6/7 hours. Most children are able to sleep through the night by between 6 to nine months of age.
After 9 months infants should not physically require feeding through the night. They may have learned that the best/easiest way to get to sleep is while nursing. That is a learned behavior, as adults we generally do not wake and need to eat through the night. If an infant is taking good feeds through the day, by 9 months the physical requirement for night feeds should be eliminated.
What does your child believe they need to help them get to sleep?
If you would like help to improve your child's sleep pattern, contact us on info@dream-angus.com
Your baby's sleep is affected by four main things;-
1) What was your, and your partner's sleep pattern BC (Before Children)?
2) The learned experiences your baby has around sleep.
3) Baby's own body clock.
4) The sleep environment.
We know that some sleep difficulties have a genetic component. Narcolepsy is perhaps the difficulty most commonly linked to genetic make up. If you, and your partner had a similar sleep pattern the chances are that baby will follow that pattern to some extent. If one of the parents has had difficulties getting to sleep it is possible that baby may demonstrate this. This does not mean that this cannot be improved upon. Perhaps if all children developed good sleep patterns there would be fewer adults with sleep difficulties.
Newborns have very little experience of life in the world. Consequently it takes them a few weeks to learn the differences between night and day. We know from studies, that by 60 days of life, before there is even a true feeding pattern, babies have mastered the basics of night and day.
Initially an infant which requires feeding every 2.5 to 3 hours will manage a maximum of 5 hours uninterrupted sleep through the night. This is not true of every child but is an accepted "rule of thumb". As baby manages to go to a 4 hourly feeding regimen this night sleep extends to about 6/7 hours. Most children are able to sleep through the night by between 6 to nine months of age.
After 9 months infants should not physically require feeding through the night. They may have learned that the best/easiest way to get to sleep is while nursing. That is a learned behavior, as adults we generally do not wake and need to eat through the night. If an infant is taking good feeds through the day, by 9 months the physical requirement for night feeds should be eliminated.
What does your child believe they need to help them get to sleep?
If you would like help to improve your child's sleep pattern, contact us on info@dream-angus.com
The Golden Rules in achieving a good night sleep.
These are the "golden rules" which, if observed, will help ensure a good night's sleep.
1) Be sure your child's room is quiet and dark.
2) Keep environmental noise to a minimum, no loud TVs.
3) If your child still needs a nap, schedule that nap for early afternoon, before 3pm.
4) Wake your child at a regular time every morning. This will strengthen the circadian rhythm.
5) Avoid drinks of tea, cola and drinks containing caffeine before bedtime.
6) Quiet play in the hour before bed is better than stimulating, exciting play.
7) Keep the room at a comfortable temperature. If the room is too warm sleep may be disturbed.
8) Use a short pre bed routine that your child will recognize and stick to it.
9) Make sure that your child does not go to bed hungry, but do not give children over 6 months feeds or drinks through the night.
10) Help your child to fall asleep without your presence. Use a favorite toy or blanket and put your child to bed while he/she is drowsy but still awake.
You may find you are already doing some of these things, or all of them. If your child is still having difficulty getting to sleep or staying asleep contact us on Info@ Dream-Angus.com we can help you to help your child.
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