Transition or Comfort Object

As an adult there are some smells which help us remember events or people and there are some smells which help us to relax. Many adults sleep best in a freshly laundered bed. Infants have a much more acute sense of smell than adults. Consequently when we want them to relax, or to go to sleep we should consider what smells might assist them.

We use swaddling to offer a sense of being held without the need for a parent to hold the little one. The firm constant, all over body pressure is comforting for newborns because they have always experienced firm physical boundaries before birth and often find it relaxing to have similar pressures afterwards.  As they grow and experience life they look for other comforting things like a regular routine which demonstrates what is expected of them.

Transition objects, a soft toy, a piece of material which smells of mum can be really useful and comforting to little ones. Introducing such an object at between 4 to 6 months can be very helpful for some babies. Choose a soft object which can be washed. Hold it between your body and your baby as you feed. This allows your "smell" to permeate the object which then goes with your little one for EVERY sleep. Put it where baby can smell it but be sure that this is not going to make your little one overheat. Putting it above baby's head, across from baby's face, or near baby's chin can be possibilities. The smell of mum means she must be close by. Closing your eyes and still being able to smell mum can be really reassuring. When you have recently washed this object hold it between you again so that you refresh the "mummy smell" before returning it to use.

Transition objects are things we have chosen for our children, they will choose their own when they
 are older. These work better for some children than others and some people believe the work best between 6 and 18 months when many little ones are more anxious about separation from mum.

When children become toddlers they will select something to carry with them or take to bed with them and this may continue to be the object you choose so long ago, or it may be something entirely different. If a soft toy which cannot be washed becomes the object of choice it can be freshened and any dust mites killed by wiping with a damp cloth and then putting it in a bag in the freezer for a few hours. It can then be returned to the child.


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Starting at Day Care

All children have to learn to cope with temporary separations from their parents. Learning to be apart can be difficult for both parent and child, however parents need time to themselves occasionally, and children benefit from spending time with other people and other children.

Shyness around new people, and anxiety about separation from parents, is common in children of pre school age. Between eight months and eighteen months, children develop strong attachments to known and trusted adults. At this stage your child is exploring their environment and you will see that they will crawl/walk away from you to do so. All the time they are looking back, checking that you are where your child left you. If you leave the room, or move out of sight without the child being aware of that movement, suddenly their world has ended and there is great upset.

At this stage they are watching other children, both older and younger but not directly interacting with them. Copying another child's play is a learning experience too. This is the stage before co-operative play. Many parents talk about children needing to be "socialized" but, at this stage, observing the world is more interesting than actively participating in it. Adults are a favorite "toy" and although the child is starting to learn about turn taking there is more learning done by watching and copying. Certainly as the child becomes older, and is more interested in social interaction, between 2.5 to 3 years of age, attending a nursery or play group is invaluable in developing social skills.

It is not possible to explain to a very young child, that they are going to attend day care. Gently introducing them to this concept is the best that can be achieved. If you have chosen a day care center or a person whom you trust to care for your child, ensure that you know the expected routine of the center's day, or explain to the carer what the child's routine usually is. If a baby can learn a new routine before being left in a day care center it will be a less distressing experience. Limiting the time they spend there and gradually moving the length of time in a new environment will also be helpful.

Most day care centers have routines and set nap times for little ones, they will not alter the routines of the establishment for even a child as important as yours! If you need to help your child to move to the centers schedule then this is entirely possible. It is equally possible that a child who won't nap well at home may nap better in day care.

Older children will usually accept simple explanations of what is to happen. Do make a point of saying "goodbye", and reminding your child when you will return for them. When you return ask about their day and be a good listener. It will take some practice before you will be told very much about what has happened without you. Your child also wants to be sure that they didn't miss any exciting events while you were apart.

You have chosen a day care which fits your belief systems, so have a little faith in them. Expect them to tell you about any difficulties they are experiencing with your child, or any issues your child seems to have difficulties with. Without this sharing of information it can be difficult to make this a positive experience for your child.

info@Dream-Angus.com

Separation Anxiety in Childhood

Many mothers believe that their child has anxiety about being separated from their parent or parents. It is normal for children of 8-10 months to be visibly concerned about leaving parents or carers. Current research tells us that 90% of 10-month-old infants will become upset if a stranger approaches them in an unfamiliar room. Only 50% will become upset if the child is given time (10 minutes) to become familiar with the room. This suggests that, in new situations, infants cope better if they come across new things gradually.

Small children cope better when adults take time to allow the child to get to know them first. Seating a child of a few months on mum or dad's knee, facing a new adult and allowing the child to observe the interaction between the adults first, can help the child become more confident in the new adult and then interaction between the other adult and child is more acceptable. The infant will still look for mum or dad's reaction to their interaction with the visitor and will probably only accept a short interval of direct contact without seeking a return to mum or dad. This is entirely normal.

Separation Anxiety peaks at between 14-18 months and decreases through childhood. Children need to socialise and they need the security of knowing that their parents are there for them. Offering a series of short separations over time will help a child cope with being away from mum and dad.