Altering a sleep pattern

While most children manage to soothe themselves to sleep, and to sleep through the night without the need for any intervention, there are a number of children who take a long time to learn to do this.

Some children have never learned to put themselves to sleep. They rely on a parent holding them, rocking them, feeding them or simply being with them until they fall asleep. These children come to believe that this is the only way to get to sleep and the parents are often very tired and frustrated. There is no time left to be an individual, to maintain a healthy relationship with a partner. Every evening is spent with the child, just as the day has been. There is no quiet time, no time to exchange comments about the day and often no private time between parents at night. Someone must remain with the child so that the child will sleep.

Altering a child's sleep pattern is possible. It requires an understanding of exactly what has happened to cause the difficulty. A sleep history helps clarify this.
What is the pre bed routine like, how do the parents react to the difficulty and what priorities do the parents have in mind when they want things to change? Sleep diaries illustrate exactly where the difficulties are, and completing these throughout the work to change things can also show what is working, and what is not.

Once the issues have been clearly identified, and the parents priorities decided, it is possible to work using graded techniques to improve the child's sleep. Cry it Out, a method that allows a child to cry with a parent checking at extending intervals, has long been discredited by sleep professionals.

This method does work but it teaches the child that being upset is not going to be met with comfort. The child learns to suppress such emotions and this is not healthy. Cortisol, the stress hormone, floods the body systems of parents and child so neither are happy with the situation. The parents may have been told that this is the way it has to be, but this is not so.

There are other ways to support a child who is afraid, who lacks confidence in their ability to fall asleep or remain asleep without mum or dad being nearby.

Altering a sleep pattern can be really hard work for both parent and child. It requires consistent repetition and demonstration of behaviour and consequenses so that things can and do improve. Most sleep difficulties can be resolved within a few weeks. Perseverance, persistance and calm confidence are atributes which are vital to success.

Once a child has learned to sleep and to remain asleep, their appetite and mood imnprove and parents find things so much easier.

If you would like help to improve your child's sleep, Contact Dream-Angus.com

Teaching our children

I am often asked if resolving one sleep issue, means that there will be other issues to be worked on later.
Most pre school children who have a difficulty in getting to sleep, or staying asleep, and who then learn to sleep and to remain asleep have no further difficulties. Learning to sleep independently is a gift for life. Children who have difficulties and do not have them resolved often continue to have difficulties with sleeping.

Do children "grow out" of sleep difficulties?
Sometimes, but this depends on the reason for the difficulty. Children whose imagination is particularly active, and who cannot differentiate between dreams and reality may "grow out" of sleep difficulties if this is the cause. For many children the causes are multi factorial. Sometimes there is an obvious reason, and sometimes there is no obvious cause of the child's difficulty.

We teach our children many things, and teaching them to sleep is often done without being conscious of it. If we always allow a child to fall asleep on the couch in front of the television, then move them into a bed, that child comes to believe that this is what he or she needs in order to relax and fall asleep. Teaching this child that they can, and should fall asleep in their own room, in their own bed can take some time and perseverance. However, once the child has learned a new behaviour and repeated it on successive occasions it becomes the new norm. This is what altering sleep behaviour is about. It is about altering the perceived needs and demonstrating a better way to achieving a good nights sleep.

There are many ways to alter children's behaviour. Sometimes this is about giving the child confidence in ourselves as parents. Sometimes it is about giving confidence in the child's independence or in the child's ability to cope in new situations. Often the pace of change has to be slowed or hastened depending on how well the child copes with the changes.

Just as every adult is an individual, so is every child. What works well for one may not be as effective for another. Your child has to grow up within your home, living with your ideas and this has to be taken into account. No one knows your child as well as you do. Professionals can indicate good practice and direct your efforts.

The biggest single thing that parents need to identify is the difference between what your child needs and what your child wants. Children's needs should always be met unconditionally. This gives children a secure base, a belief in their parents ability to nurture and protect. We all want our children to have faith in our abilities to protect and care for them.

We all have "wants". Children who are secure can cope with wants not always being met as long as their needs are addressed. In the wider world we do not always get what we want, we hope we always get what we need. This is a difficult lesson for children and often it is difficult for parents to identify when something is needed, and when another thing is desired.