The "rules" of Parenting

There are many ways to parent but there are some good "rules" to keep in mind. These are mine, they are based on the principal that children need routines, and firm boundaries as well as lots of love. You may have rules of your own, but I have no issue if you choose to adopt or adapt mine.

1) You are a Parent, not your child's friend. If you are lucky you may become a friend when your child is older. Throughout their lives our children will have many friends but only one Mum and only one Dad. Accept that responsibility, act accordingly and your child will grow up secure and confident.

2) Release your inner child. Children learn through play. This is an opportunity to be playful without being considered an idiot. Join in when you are asked to, initiate sometimes. Accept the opportunities to join in and the occasions when your participation is unwanted. Childhood is fleeting miss this moment and it is gone forever.

3) Offer simple choices and allow your child to make bad decisions. All choices have consequences. Some are delivered without you needing to be the bad guy. Choosing to  not wear a coat when the weather is cold will soon be accepted as a poor decision, but if there was never any opportunity to make a mistake, or a poor decision, how would your child recognise it as such?

4) Avoid negotiation. YOU are responsible for the big decisions, you are the adult and should be able to see the bigger picture here. If you accept this responsibility you will be seen as the leader, the person who will offer rescue if it is needed, the person who can be relied upon to resolve problems.

5) Be fair. Offering solutions without being dogmatic is helpful and supportive. Dictating the outcome is unnecessary. Some children find particular choices difficult. Approaching these issues by asking what the child thinks someone else might do and how that might work, or not work can clarify things and make the choice easier.

6) KIS Keep It Simple. Choices, and their consequences need to be appropriate to the age and stage of the child. Only offer a choice of two things, both options must be fine by you or you will become angry and frustrated when your child chooses an option you least like.

7) Have some "house rules". These should be few, because the idea is to avoid unnecessary battles. If it is simple and clear it is easier to understand and to live with. Children need boundaries and these need to be maintained, for their safety, security, and confidence in their place in the world.

8) Be consistent. If you have "house rules" you need to stick by them. Don't let some things be ok some times. This is confusing and will lead to tears and tantrums, not just your child's!

Becoming a parent helps us to understand our own parents better. It is a wonderful experience but it includes all that's good and  bad within it.