There are many decisions which have to be made when one becomes a parent. Some are comparatively easy and straightforward but the sense of responsibility that goes with parenting makes many very aware of the "guilt" experienced or immagined when things are less straightforward.
Parents are responsible for the safety of their children, for their first impressions of the world and their fellow humans. We all want our children to be able to be independant people and to have the necessary skills to cope in the complex world of relationships, with peers and authorities,and to be able to feel secure and confident in that world. There are as many different parenting styles as there are children and parents. No one style works for everyone. There are a rich variety of books on the subject, but even these often contradict each other. At the end of the day there is no perfect parent just as there is no perfect person we all seek to do the best we can with the knowledge available to us.
While many parents want to be their child's friend, they do their children a great disservice in following this path. Children require guidance and firm rules, which they will challenge as they grow. The very rules set by parents are important as a form of security. The certain knowledge that a particular behaviour or behaviours are unacceptable, and will be met with equally unacceptable outcomes, are part of the fabric of learning to live in society. While conflict is not always pleasant or positive, there are times when it is inevitable and should be met with understanding and with firmness which demonstrates that the caring person guiding the child is capable of fully accepting that responsibility.
Children who learn to live by the rules of their parents and to accept that there are consequenses when they behave badly are generally much happier. Setting limits for your child does not mean that you need to be particularly strict or harsh. It is always more comfortable to live within the bounds of known and accepted rules than to be in conflict where there appears to be little reason or no known guidelines to follow.
Posts
